just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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