Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i out mim tonsoeep
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