Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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