letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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