Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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