My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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