I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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