Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
