Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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