i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
