News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
