So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
