A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
