i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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