Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
