Where is the hickey?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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