the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
