Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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