I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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