YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Boobs are out for the taking
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
