I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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