Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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