1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
