umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize