Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
