Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
