I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
