I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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