I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
