I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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