i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
