don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
