We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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