despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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