Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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