It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
