Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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