i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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