I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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