i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dick very happy bro
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
