I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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