Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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