Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i need some magic done to my vagina
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
