Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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