If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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