Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
