the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
