I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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