i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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