Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
