Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
