he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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