I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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