He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
