Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize