Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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