I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
