she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
