he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
