I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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