dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
