i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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