i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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