He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
