Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
