I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?