I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
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Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine