; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?