John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
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Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
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Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people