Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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