My hair reeks of homosexuality.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
